2013

wow cant believe its 2013 very soon. This year has been both miserable and great. Was in tears in december last year, in ma hubby´s arms. Thank God for that kid coz he really can be an a angel. The year been shietty and lots of struggles but it is ending on a good note. Just one tiny positive thing can make u forget all the big crappy things that have happened to you. Aaaah life can be wonderful.
Ive really grown us a person this yr, accomplished shiet i didnt know was possible. I moved to another city, started uni, worked ma ass off to pay rent, cried maself to sleep almost every nite and felt like the entire world was against me. Things started getting brighter towards the summer and aaaah, thank Allah for my life.
Ive lost and met new people, lost a few fakes but mostly importantly, ive learned to appreciate ma besties and that boo of mine<3.
Uni is tough but damn am tougher. I promise to be a better girlfriend, ignore attention slacking friends, concentrate more on school and stop being so angry everytime. Oh and blog more for sho.

Happy new yr folks
Gott nytt år till er alla.

Life is guuuuud

Yepp, life good folks. Sch really controls ma life. When all is going well at sch, am for sho functioning well. When it's going downstairs, well ma emotions follow. Of course ma love life controls ma life too. Suck.
Anyhu, am having such an amazing day despite the fact that I slept wicked last nite. Ooooog I passed al ma exams. I ain't that dumb for sho. I can't believe this. I went all hysterical and theatrical in the corridors at sch. Life is good for sho and don't forget to work hard pple.

Ciao

Tired n exhausted

Exhausted, irritated and hungry. In that order. BUT, a big but, am satisfied with how am balancing stuff. Pheew, hard work but they say hard work pays, right? I can assure yall that it ain't true all the times.
And oh how I miss ma bed, so imma get ma ass home and sleep like a baby. Will see how that works out, coz ma fone always distructs me.

New Years resolution (NRS) 1.

Ain't nobody's biness, said it ain't nobody biness. Na na na. Am soooo freakin hooked on the song. Aaaaah luv the lyrics.
Anyhu, as the heading says, it's time to blup out ma New Years resolutions. Gaaaah. Imma bring up one by one in every post and the first is..........Anger, my anger.
I promise maself, that in the coming year, to stop being so angry, to step getting easily irritated. I honestly have a massive problem with this. I get it from Mommi coz she is the same and I kinda hate that about her. This anger issue is affecting ma relationship and friends. Oooooh God help me please.
Gosh I am bipolar, I think coz I just get these outbursts from nowhere and just get mad just to be all smiles the next second. Not normal.
May be I need therapy? Naah, got no money or time for the shiet. But will work on that for sho.

Ova n out.

AIN'T NOBODY BUSINESS

Poor Riri, she back with the boy that beat and chocked her. Oufff. Love can't be explained but hey, as she sings, ain't nobody biness. Lol am hooked<3. 

Today

Today I feel ka boom, emotionally. Am exhausted coz av sch and all that but I feel good all around. Holidays are around the corner so imma take time with ma beloved and not think about ma worries. No sch, no work, no nothing that shrinks ma brain. Hell no.
So anyhu, imma think about ma dress codes and fashion and hair of course and just enjoy the holidays. Life is great so far <3.

Not that I Care

It's Christmas time, not that I care. Puffff. These stupid holidays remind me of my childhood where we never ever felt the holiday fever until Christmas Day. Our neighbours always invited us over brunch and gave us presented. Uuh gone are the days.
Now in a cold country, u start feeling the fever in Novemeber bse of the snow and the cozy lights put up on the streets. Hmm

Bla bla. Anyhu, am studying and it working out good all. Got a massive exam in 2 days but stupid me is working today, and got lab work tomorrow all day. Idiotic or what? Don't ask me. Gaaaah life is kind to me though.

I HATE

I hate when people use me. When they disuse my generosity and trust.
I hate when friends ignore me.
I hate that I hate ma mum.
I hate when people laugh at me without any reason.
I hate racism.
I hate bad breathe.
I hate being alone.
I hate having no money.
I hate the feeling of depression.
I hate talking feelings.
I hate talking about ma relationship to ma friends,
I hate physics.
I hate lending money to "friends" coz they never return it.

I know it's been a while since I blogged. I really hate not blogging.

Ova and out

Am trying

Yes I am. Am trying. Whenever I feel bad, I just burry maself in work or sch. I work work and work till I try to forget ma other problems. When I forget ma problems, I can fake smile for the world so that no one asks questions. I hate when pple ask me wats wrong coz am a private person. Yeah I know it can help to talk to someone now and then but urrrgh, it's nothing for me.
So even if I feel the way I feel, even if I feel like am letting down maself and the pple I love, I won't show it. I will work work work, til I forget and fake smile coz in the end, that's the process that makes me feel good.
So here I am, studying ma ass off, feeling so bright and smart. Am feeling good, laughing with friends coz at the end of the day, I will lay on ma bed with a huge smile, thinking "yes I can do this."
Am s survivor, we yall are.

Hate decisions

Blaaaa. Feels like life is upside down for moi:(:(. These past days have been hard on me, tough. This is when I really wished I had ma family near me so they could "look after me", comfort me or give me energy. Blaaaaa I hate life sometimes.
So I got an exam next wk on Wednesday and if I fail it, then am the stupidiest creature alive coz I've been studying soooooo hard these past days. Am exhausted but kant sleep, every inch on ma body hurts but can't seem to be able to just sleep and forget all the freakin biochemistry reactions that keep on popping in my head now and then. I just Kant take a break.
I really miss ma Mommi even though she can be mean. I wish she was here to give me a massage, advice, listen to me and tell me wats right or wrong (that if, if I listen). Am so upset about so many things that I Kant seem to think straight. I just wanna be able to have a normal conversation without me getting upset. Gooooosh I hate this, I hate when am like this, I hate when I feel like things I do or own, have no meaning, I hate hate hate when I feel like this, helpless, powerless and kinda stupid. I hate this part right here.



Am out, am off coz am empty

Love land

So am accidentally hangin out with ma babes. Hehehehehe. We were supposed to be apart this wknd but ack, faith brought us together. God is great;);). We watched breaking dawn 2 = shity movie coz I was disappointed.
Anyhu, imma kiss ma babe good nite.

Peace

Not me

am writing this one in Swedish

ouufff, jag känner mig  väldigt konstig. vette fan inte vad det beror på;(. Jag är arg och irriterad men vet inte på vad eller vem. Nej, det är inte den tiden i månaden. Jag är inte mig sjlv helt enkelt,

Den här dagen har varit långtråkig. Var i skolan, labbade, åt, pluggad eoch sen jobbade. Suck vilket tråkigt liv va? jag veeet. Ingen fara, det är värt det i slutändan (sen när jag är färdig utbildad). Ska i alla fall plugga heeela helgen med mina fina vänner. Inget kommer ditsrahera mig för jag har lovat att satsa helhjärtat. Hoppas jag klara det här för jag orkar inte med depression;(

ha det mumsigt allesammans

Late nite

So ma aim is to blog at least once a day. Yeah it's goodie:):). Blaaaaaa, am not feeling well. Got a headache and not feeling maself. Supposed to sleep but I can't. Oh no, I don't wanna coz I have to talk to someone who is busy with other stuff so I gotta wait. Ya ya whatever.
Anyhu, anyone watched Sweden vs England soccer game. Gaaaah gaaaah omg Ibra ca Dabra is the shit (tho I ain't a fan). You say the last goal? It was ka boom boom. Lol am a soccer fan so yall prolly will be reading lots about soccer, esp bout Barcelona. Get used to it.

Anyhu, got a crappy lab tomorrow so am off. 

LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE

Oooh love love. Now am talking about the real love , sensual love to someone else. Not this love to your family or puppy. Noope I mean this chris Brown Rihanna love (not the beating part). Love makes us go crazy, no it makes me go crazy. I become different in a weird way that I can't put in words. I let go of everything and just live in the "love bubble." Thats good and bad sometimes coz when the love mood is switched on, I can't think clearly, I can't reason, am just in wonderland, dreaming which means that I loose track of reality. Now that happened to me the first months of ma relationship, and then reality caught up with. Now I can't say that hell opened but heaven decreased for sure and ma eyes opened. Someone bust ma bubble and I started seeing the bad side of this creature (as if anyone is perfect).
I started wondering if am in this coz I feel like I HAVE TO be in this ,like I can't get better. Or bse am afraid to be alone, or why the hell am I in this coz ma perfect creature ain't that anymore? Bla bla bla, lots of questions and confusion but I stayed. Why? Curiosity or bse this love disease was catching me.  Now when heaven wasn't that perfect, I decided to make it perfect FOR ME and build up ma big love bubble again. I gave this a shot and yeah, am happy I did coz i decided to see the good, the better, the best in ma lover and I liked what I saw and  experienced. But that didn't mark blind for the bad sides, coz they for sho came up now and then. Ma lover changed and vice versa. Not for ma sake, but for our sake. And every time  I decided to change on something, I made sure it was a good decision, not just for love sake.
Am a better person bse of this 2 yr long relationship. Better, in a way that I love harder, I give all, I trust more, brush off tiny things, appreciate love and give whenever I can. Yes am a better person bse of him coz he is all I want and need right now. He is too perfect that it nags me and I pick up fights from nothing(tear drops);(. And I will try ma best not to. I have to be beta at everything in this relationship coz its healthy to me as vegetables are good to me. Hehehehehe ok, not a good metaphore but u get the point.

I can honestly say that am happy. Not fake, but real happiness. Even behind closed doors, ma happiness is still real WITH HIM.

Stupido

Goooosh am so stupid and inconsiderate. Why do I always hurt the person that adores me the most? Why do I always hurt the person I love and cherish over anything? Fuck. The last time I felt this bad was when I had a huuuuge fight with ma mum. Oh ma gosh. It was big. 2011 in December. Worst Dec ever. I feel so bad, don't what to do. Guess I will just go to bed and repent.am so sorry babe, I really am. Am the worst lover on this planet. Hate talking when am pissed off coz then I always say the truth and yepp, it hurts. Fuck life.

Am off

F R I E N D S

Good mornin. How yall doing this amazin Sunday? Am in bed blogging from ma new Samsung galaxy s3. Whoop whoop. Am really loving it even though I had a rough time navigating around coz am used to iPhone. Wish I could combine the two. Daamn,

Anyhu, am just so tired of some of ma friends. F*#k em. Now these friends of mine are in new relationships, so they ignore me biiiig time but I been playing chill all these months. Got new friends but it still hurts coz was tight with ma buddies that now ignore me.;(. Anyhu, now that theirs lovers are outta town, these suckers be textin me and asking if I can hang out? Hahahahah hell no, I ain't hanging out with no suckers that only remember me when they are alone. Psssst.

This text is to all yall who do that to your friends. I will never ever do that. Not that kind of sucker. Guess I will talking to them at sch and all that but will absolutely not be hanging out. They can forget that.

And no, o haven't confronted them coz they will feel more important than they are. Psssst

Peace

This is me

Am very confused about lots of things in ma life. The major things being sch and ma mum. I somehow don't know what or how to tackle sch. It really is putting a negative effect in happy me. Yeah yes I know that I gotta work hard for what I want to achieve but gosh this seems like very deep water. Wi give it more shots and hope for the best.
Ma mum. She constantly makes me sad and unhappy but then from nowhere, she all is goodie and lovey watever towards me. I always fall it coz I keep telling maself 'may be she is changing this time around.' Suck I hate when she plays with ma mind.
Anyhu, something am really rely proud of is ma boo thang. Atleast I know we are in love.

Sch calling tomorrow. Peace off yall

Not so me wknd

So me, who always is fan aint having a fan wk d coz she found out that she failed organic Chem that she been studying for like crazy. Ouff it hurts. Anyhu, was down but the. Realised that the retest is in a month so of course I wi do it. God willing.
Anyhu, I've promised maself to study hard for biochemistry so I don't fail that either. Am
Just glad I got ma boo and ma new fone wit me to keep me company. Life would be hell othawise.

Stay safe yall

Samsung Galaxy S 111

so am in a good mood. yeeey. LOl havent blogged for a while coz am busy living life, i suggest yall do the same<3. Scholl? its ka boom boom on top. Been at ma mums house for like a week. Nope, i dont hate her anymore, we be like friends i guess? Dont wanna explain but we yall good. Love ma fam<3

Am in a best mood today coz imma get a new toy. yepp u had it SAMSUNG GALAXY S 111. I loove taking pics and videos and what not. I have an iphone but am getting tired of it. So lets see what this new toy has to offer. I totally promise to fill u in on the pros and cons. yall stay stuned and pse stay in sch.

lots av luv

calm after the storm

These past weeks been nothing but crazy. Ouffff. I feel so empty right now. Been studying more than 12 hours everyday+ work and now all of a sudden am home not doing anything. Crazy
Been lots of sleepless nites but now that am free, I wake at 6am. 6 freaking am. Am tired both mentally and physically but that's ok coz this is what uni life is. Am doing a tough masters programme. It will be worth in the end. Trying to convince myself:).

Anyhu, am in a good mood. Hehehe don't know where am getting it from but this day been great for sho. I promise to blog more and swear less. Lol

Good nite y'all <3

E X H A U S T E D

Yepp that's rite, am sooooo exhausted but gotta keep going on for just a couple of days. I got ma Organic chemistry exam on Monday so for the past weeks, I've been doing loooots lots I literally mean lots of revision. At sch at around 8am, not leaving until 10pm. Hehehehehe kinda laugh at myself when I say that coz then people will prolly think "u beta pass that exam". Lol. Wish it was that easy.
Am in a splendid mood today despite my tiredness coz ma friends are the best, mwaaaah to them<3.
Y'all have an amazing weekend. I will spending mine at uni. God bless y'all

Feeling alone

Today is the day am tired, regretful, feeling ugly, useless, not noticed but worst of all, lonely. Am feeling down, for the first time in my life, I feel like painting ma entire body red with a razor. Goose bumps rise on ma body when I think about the pain but a feeling of satisfaction just covers that feeling.
Am studying at uni but doubting every single day if am capable of doing this! Wat if I fail? My so called mum will prob laugh out loud and even fall off a stool. Crazy shiet.
Euff am getting all big these days. Wish I was anorexia so that I could stay away from food. Ya ya ya, I know it's a deadly disease but watta hell. I NEED to stay away frm food.  I HAVE TOO.
Got an oral test tomorrow so am off to sleep and wish for the best<3.


Crazy life

Nite thoughts

Pheeeew. Have had a hard week yo. Tsssss sch is literally killing me. Trying to sleep but I can't coz of these thoughts.
I always wondered how and why someone would hate their parents. Now I know why. Am seriously developing a massive hatred towards ma so called mum. Pssssst. Am so afraid to admit the hatred coz I fear God is seriously gonna punish me😩. She really is destroying my life that woman. But most importantly, she is destroying my siblings life. We y'all are grown ups but she treating us like dogs, beating us and a shaming us in front av otha pple. Sometimes I wonder wat goes on in her head. She never ever ever never says sorri wen she wrongs us. She will instead just pretend like nothing happened.
Oh I feel this rage. God have mercy on mr😡. I remember so many things she put me thru since I was kid but asch, that's another story. Cried ma bills out during the wknd coz of everything she does. I really hope she has a good life ALL ALONE.

F*^%

@work

Wazzzzup yall psychos. Me is at work making em pounds. pounds? eh, making them dollars. ouff, pounds sounds beta so me go with dat;) yeah.
This wknd is both good and bad. Good coz am with the love of ma lyfe. Best partner in the entire world. Dont understand how he put up with me but he really is patient and all that. luv him;) naaw.
Bad thing is that ma family aint stable at all. Just the thought makes me sick. I hate some of my family members. Not mentioning any coz am afraid God might punish me. though i really hate HATE them. shiet.
I cried lots yesterday but ma boo thang really took care of me. Did i meantion that i love him?

Anyhu, back to work.

fuck off yall.

Sorri. bad mood

Organic chemisty

Yep. Organic chem it is. That shit is soooo hard. Am having hell at sch. Literally. We doing labaratory work till 8pm for 2wks. And then have to present the whole thingi. Bite me.
A week later, we will be doing exams. Kill me.
The only positive side is that ma lab partner is good and smart so helps me a lot. Plus the entire group am in is a m a z i n g. We really have fun and pple really help. That's wats up.
Anyhow, just came home, imma eat and watch soccer, then sleep coz sch will calling tomorrow.

Ciao

Monday day

It's Monday and am feeling ok. No am feeling better coz luv av am life is really a m a z i n g😘.
I really need New Years resolution even though I know that it's kinda late/early for that.
1. Need to stop hurting ma babez. Not ok. Even if I never do it on purpose
2. Getting in shape coz am tired of being fatttttty
3. Stop allowing pple to use me. Fuck them users, welcome the new me=biatch
4. I really have to stop annoying ma luv. Not ok, not ok, not ok. Feels like am trying to change poor thing. Which is bad coz all we amazing just the way we are. Take it or leave it. Fuuuuuuuuck

Otherwise, am having a crazy week. Sch till 20:00, work and then of course working out. Yeah buddy.

Ciao. 

Back to reality

Have had an ok weekend. Am kinda sad and frustrated coz I never feel appreciated by ma siblings. I do everything and anything for those creatures but it never is enough. Material stuff is far more important to them than sharing with me. One of them. I get sad pretty much anytime I visit that one of them. Don't know why i keep coming? May be its coz I always think and hope its different. Yeeeeek, hate maself.
The worst thing is that I take out ma anger to the luv av ma life. Poor thang. Trying to change but I got all this anger built in me. Watever
Anyhu, I bought a fridge. Yeeeey. Decided to just do it coz I've been working ma ass off the entire summer so am kinda rewarding maself. Will go shopping lots(even though I never shop) next month.
Already feeling better coz am
On ma way back home.

Fuck family. Or not. I love each one of them but sometimes. Grrrrerh

helllo

Wazzzup yall. Feelin better coz am at work, working hard. Working makes me forget most things that give me anxiety. Glad;)
After work, will be travelling to ma sis for the weekend. yey. The entire family will be there so am psyched bout that. Hope i dont get sad coz things can be wierd in our family. And am happy about everything atm. Feeling good bse of the cash in flow. Working ma butt off so i can afford the finest things in life<3. oh yeah. Guess am not a poor church mouse anymore ha? beta stop this nosense be4 all the cash disappears. I beggo.

yall have a wonderful weekend. Will see if i get the tim to blog.
peace out

whatever

Am so anxiuos and insecure about lots of stuff. I always come off confident and happy but its the otha way round sometimes. I hate freaking facebook, it makes me feel bad and start stalking my friends who "appear" to have better lives while am lonely. Did i mention that am in a long distance relationship? ma life sucks attimes even though the love of my life is everything one would wish for and more. love love love.

Anyhu, i havent been going to uni the past days coz am tired of being ignored by ma bff. Dont get me wrong, i have lots of friends but this special friend of mine is someone i laugh with about silly things and se sure understand each otha, beta than i do with otha people. euff

taking deep breaths. I really need to update my closet. Coz all ma clothes are ugly as hell. And ive started training so i can get back to ma normal self, well trained and looking fly.

fuck life. depression on its way?

fuck. Hope yall have worse days than mine

wazzzup.

I got a thousamd things to do. School and work but decided to add one more thing on ma to do list. One more important thing.Training;) oh yeah. ive started playing football again and am excited for sure. my entire body is numb atm but am ka boom boomlicious. 

About the wknd? now work, just partyyyyyyy as we students di. Life is good. sometimes.

capish

confused as usual

yall alive? Hope so. Just came back to ma home. yeeey. Spent the wknd at ma mum´s house in Gothenburg. It was kinda nice. it usually isnt `nice´ when it comes to me an ´d my mommi. we gotta a bitter sweet relationship but this time we were good.
am sooo tired and confused about lots of stuff. Feels like am committing to way more stuff than i can handle. Biting off more than i can chew. Uni is demanding as hell, work is calling, planning on starting to play fotball again, working part time for student nation and friend. phufff. God help me.
Got so much on my mind but will def fill this blog with ma tiny brainy words. its late and am tired so fuck off. 

alive is the deal

yayaya, been away as usual. this for sho is student misery. Ksant eat, sleep oreven think coz am poor as hell, ma family issues aint good and damn it, i gotta start train be4 i start feeling bad bout maself...grrh life is a bitch

And now i gotta study for ma exams.


sch is the shit

In search of cheap prices.

I've spent the entire weekend comparing prices in different supermarkets + reading ma books of course. Going from one store to another in this weather isn't fun at all, but it's something I gotta do inorder for me to get cheap stuff. So tip nr for y'all poor pple;
1. Make sure you compare prices from each store. Run around and write down prices of the most important things you buy. When shopping day comes, you gotta have to buy things from different stores. Trust me, it's worth it.
Moshi mosh.
Siting on the bus, on ma way to town to compare more prices.

Long time no see

Its been a while since i blogged. No, its been ages since i blogged but anow am back. Lots have changed the past years, months ,weeks so imma fill you in on all that. Gonna make lots of changes with the blog so stay turned yall.