The weird thing is that am sobbing while trying to do some studying (Multi tasking for sure). Am trying to hold back my tears while talking to a friend on the phone. She asks me if am alright and I "naturally" answer that all is good and then go ahead and lie that mum is calling and I hang up. Weird ha? You've ever asked anyone how they are and they give u a genuine answer. "God morning Lillian, how are you?" Oh well ma mum hit me last night and am all bruised so am not alright. You ever get that?
Why is that we are always feeling good? That everything is what it is? I kinda uderstand that when you meet new people, you have to put on a front and not be selling out all your wardrobe garbage coz them honey you are the weirdo. But then I don't understand why it's like that. Why is it weird not to just spill your garbage to anyone coz we yall got our own garbage after all. Frustratin.
I think it's a matter of trust and confident. To be able to own up your damn problems and not be ashamed of them, to be able to talk about everything without anyone judging you or using your problems against you. Twisted world.
Unfortunately, am one of those people. Am one of the pretenders who puts up a front and won't tell anyone anything. Am one of them who prefers waking up in the middle of the night and start crying very very quietly so no one would notice my rage and pain. I am a pretender and I hate it bah one thing am grateful for, since I started university, I've met wonderful people who are honest. They are disgustingly honest that I envy them. I get to listen to stories, genuine stories about their lives. From how and when they woke up, to what and how they swallowed their last meal of the day. Yes they are disgustingly honest.
Oh well, my tears have now dried up, I better get back to my studying. And now I don't remember the purpose of this post.
Have a nice weekend folks
Hey. I know it sucks having to front like you're ok. I feel like that sometimes when I go to church. I sometimes don't feel like putting on a smiley. But I figure that it's best I do it for them, because they might not really care and I don't trust them enough to share why I'm feeling that way. That's why God and my mom are my support and I trust them. I feel bad that your mom hit you. Why did she hit you? Sorry if I'm being too forward and you don't have to answer. I pray God show You His love. Well love you and have a blessed day.
ReplyDeleteOh christina you are always a darling;). No my mum didnot hitme, not this time around but she used to, for absolutely nothing;(
DeleteIt is very frustrating to have to pretend but i think i have trust issues because i honestly have people i can always confide in but old habits die hard. Am trying to improve, i rellay am.
Yeah old habits do die hard. I definitely know that story. But it must be worth the pain and dying. The good isnt always easy. And trust comes with time. Lol girl you'll be good ;@).
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